Publisher's Synopsis
The Meatball Protocol
When the Family Recipe Turns Deadly
Two washed-up mafia enforcers. One sacred recipe. Infinite chaos.
Tony "Toes" Bellagio and Vinnie "The Sneeze" Calamari aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. They're old, out of shape, and still argue over whether marinara or gravy belongs on Sunday pasta. But when the Don's legendary meatball recipe-rumored to unlock god-tier culinary power-goes missing, the fate of the entire underworld (and the dinner table) is dumped squarely in their greasy laps.
What begins as a routine job quickly spirals into something far more ridiculous. Suddenly, these two goons are neck-deep in a war between vegan mafia overlords, paleo assassins, gnocchi revolutionaries, and a rogue ex-chef named Alfredo who's trying to use the Meatball Protocol to control flavor itself.
Yeah. It's that kind of story.
From exploding cannoli to psychic sommeliers, haunted pasta vaults to a cult that worships spaghetti, Tony and Vinnie must bumble, bluff, and brawl their way through a city sauced with danger.
And somewhere between the ricotta-filled gunfights and meatball-fueled prophecies, they might just find something they never expected: redemption.
Or at least a halfway decent lunch.
What You'll Devour Inside:
- 100 wild chapters of fast-paced, food-fueled action
- A mafia underworld where betrayal comes with a side of garlic bread
- Absurdist comedy in the style of The Dresden Files, John Dies at the End, and Goodfellas on marinara
- Weaponized cooking tools (non-stick frying pan duels, ricotta grenades, parmesan flashbangs)
- Gnocchi Uprisings, cursed ovens, and a sacred silver fork
- And a final stir that just might change the course of culinary history
For fans of:
- Pulp fiction with a pasta twist
- Satirical crime capers
- Over-the-top, character-driven chaos
- Guy Ritchie meets Mel Brooks by way of The Godfather
- And anyone who's ever taken a meatball too seriously
"Like John Wick and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs had a lasagna-fueled fever dream."
- Possibly a real review from a cousin of Vinnie
Beneath the cheese, the chaos, and the absurdity, The Meatball Protocol is ultimately about family, flavor, and the dishes that feed us long after the people who made them are gone.
Because in a world full of fake parmesan and fast betrayal...
only the real recipe survives.
Grab your fork. Stir with love. This one's gonna get messy.
The Meatball Protocol is a laugh-out-loud action-comedy you'll want to devour in one sitting-and then go back for seconds.
Perfect for fans of culinary crime fiction, noir comedy, mob madness, and high-stakes absurdity.
Features dangerous food trucks, psychic gnocchi, sacred sauce codes, and one unforgettable final stir.
You've never read a mafia thriller like this before.
Available now in paperback, eBook, and meatball-stained imagination.
