Let's Lockdown: There's a Lion in My Front Garden - You Couldn't Make It Up

A pride of lions have escaped from Wuban safari park.

Fortunately WEFIBD tell us they pose no risk to the public. Although they soon become man-eaters ('person eater' is preferred at the University of Borewick), with a taste for human lard..

His hair having turned white from an encounter with a lion, Prime Minister Jarvis Bunsen gravely addresses the nation, and following the advice of SALT (Scientific Advisors and Lion Taskforce), orders us into an unprecedented lockdown.
Social distancing soon forces us into protective herds while we're shepherded around by high-vis Lion marshals with cattle prods.

Nicola Rock-Salmon submits a plan to rebuild Hadrian's Wall to keep both the Wuban lions (and the English) out of Scotland. Aymeless have already laid out 90 miles of cones and buggered off on the furlough scheme.

Fortunately, a loud clapping on a Thursday helps scare away the beasts, together with the £35billion 'Scat and Scatter' lion dung tracking app, and chain mail suits worn in shops soon help us release from the tyranny of lockdown.

But then the second wave starts...