Finding Grace: Regaining My Vision and Soul

I might not be here today if Grace had not saved my life from my abusive mother. She rescued me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sadly, she left our household before my fifth birthday. Traumatized, I blocked all memory of her.

My story, Finding Grace tells how I remembered Grace -- and my mother's abuse -- in my forties while living in The Netherlands and doing choreography in my studio. Ten years later, after returning to the U.S., I was able to find Grace, but It took me years to shake off the lessons I had received in the forties and fifties, that Black and White races should keep themselves separated.

I had to go deep inside and toss out this unconscious, racist idea in order to search out my "brown mother" whom I had loved as if she had been my own flesh and blood. When I did, I reunited not only with her family and friends whom I had known as a child but with my own Blackness that had shown up in my career choices. Together with the daughter of her best friend, I was able to return the love Grace had given me by nursing her in her last years.

I published Finding Grace as a personal story in 2014. Now, with blatant racism growing in many parts of our country, I have revised it to be more than my own story. My memoir lays bare the myths on which racism is based. My story tells this truth: White skin does not mean that a person is better. My parents were punishing, hating, and hurtful to me. Grace gave me love, joy in life, nurturing, valuable life-lessons, fun, and spiritual strength.

I feel that I have to speak out to my White brothers and sisters and say, look at the truths in my story, and, replace racism with joy and appreciation for the Black people who, along with their culture, have given us so much!