100 Questions for a More Mindful You Lovers' Edition

Mindfulness is the intentional act of being aware of, and living in, the present moment, without judgment, rejection, or attachment. It could be considered synonymous with the phrase "fully present," and while it isn't a state that tends to come naturally, it's something that can be learned with practice and by using specific skills and behaviors. The benefits of mindfulness are extensive and include:

• Reducing suffering and increasing happiness:
  • Reducing pain, tension, and stress
  • Increasing joy and happiness
  • Increasing distress tolerance
• Increasing control over your own mind:
  • Stopping letting your mind control you
  • Starting being in control of your attention
  • Decreasing reactivity to internal stimuli
  • Improving your ability to detach from thoughts and images
  • Increasing impulse control
• Experiencing reality as it actually is:
  • Seeing ourselves as we are, rather than a distorted version of ourselves
  • Reducing focus on distractions
  • Living life with your eyes "wide open"
  • Experiencing the reality of your essential validity and that each person has inherent significance
  • Experiencing your connection to others
  • Being present in your own life
  • Being present to others and focus on who you are with in the moment

Mindfulness doesn't always have to be an individual endeavor! In fact, mindfulness in relationships has countless additional benefits. Communicating with anyone mindfully can be difficult. We have countless internal and external distractions - from sounds and sensations in the room around us to the racing thoughts in our head. As much as we want to pay attention to what the person in front of us is saying, it can be hard. Even when we feel like we are listening, we are often only listening to react - we are already planning what we're going to say before the speaker has even finished talking. We also frequently misinterpret or distort the meaning because of this, or form judgments quickly without all of the information. Also, remember that it is a skill like any other, and as such, it requires time and practice to develop. So, if it seems difficult in the beginning, don't worry - that's not uncommon! Just keep trying. The hard work will worth the payoff.

The questions in this book are specifically designed for lovers to help promote greater mindfulness, compassion, and closeness. They cover a wide variety of subjects to probe your minds and emotions. Think of these activities as a form of intentional communication. In that regard, mindfulness is being present in the here and now and is paying attention, fully, on purpose, non-judgmentally, in the present. It also includes an awareness of your partner's thoughts and feelings. Also, remember that it is a skill like any other, and as such, it requires time and practice to develop. This book provides "Ground Rules" and 100 carefully selected questions to help you and your partner practice together and to find a more mindful you - together.